After promising you it, here it is

TACO - Puttin on the Ritz

Yes, a cover song of the great Fred Astaire made by a man with a light sabre as a walking cane. How can you go wrong?

Starting off with the obvious stark contrast between poor and homeless vs rich and light-tastically affluent. Obviously money can buy you anything except talent or a faster walking speed, Taco is looking like a really creepy Tim Curry, overdressed for his role as Frankenfurter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I dont know about you, but if a guy that looked like that walked that slow in a poor neighbourhood where i was from, hed have his light sabre walking stick cracked over his skull and his fancy spats stolen. Frankly, i dont know why they just didnt do that in the first place. Im sure you could buy a decent crack rock for the price of his gloves alone.

Breaking into the whole al jolston look-alikes to say "super duper" is creepy and really, unnecessary. Nothing says racial tolerance like a blackface routine!

Tap routines. Tap routines are awesome. Really, this half-arsed review is just about my jealousy at not having a wicked walking stick and doing my own tap routine.

At about 3minutes 20seconds mark, we get to see a Crispin Glover and a really bad Statler and Waldorf (from the muppets) look-alike. It made my night.

So what did we learn from this clip, kids? thats right! Money will buy you bigass dentures, make you look like Tim Curry, get your ass whooped in the ghetto and a really cool light sabre walking stick. Im sold!

-Rick

After a couple of weeks off, ive come back refreshed and as witty as ever. Thats not an actual guarantee at anything witty, its just me trying to ease you into another 80's Music Video Flashback!

Eric Carmen - Make Me Lose Control

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Rick, how on earth did you get so damn handsome?" to which i reply that we arent here to talk about that, but to talk about how goddamn ugly Eric Carmen is. Sure his tussled hair and lack of lip colouring make him so damn appealing that even *I* think that hes a viable mate. If I were a chimpanzee.

Lets face it, its gotta be a giant novelty comb to be running through HIS hair. 

Eric Carmen had huge hits with All By Myself and Hungry Eyes from that asshat of a movie Dirty Dancing, but Make Me Lose Control was just an awesome song in its own right.

Cashing in on the 50s nostalgia that Billy Joel did a hell of a lot better, we're taken back to a time long ago when fries came with a shake and women still had unburnt bra cups. Im wondering if they even brought back capital punishment for this clip as SOMEONE needs to be punished.

They even brought back vynil! Remember that kids? If you were born in the late 80s and onwards, im sure you only remember your own sense of self entitlement. Thats ok, I'll remember them for the both of us.

I should probably admit that i miss tassles from 80s velvet jackets. Thats a timeless look that should be broken out on any occassion such as weddings and funerals. Tassles on anything makes a party, just ask any tuck stop stripper!

Anyway, I love this song, just because it reminds me that having nostalgia flashbacks about nostalgia flashbacks in video clips is still nostaglic..... what?

-Rick

Wow. Just... Wow. After flying down to New Zealand for a week and coming back to an empty flat, I just cant help that I need something to ease my troublin' mind. How about some 80'S MUSIC VIDEO FLASHBACKS!

Madonna - Borderline

Holy hell I love this song. When I was a younger lad in my early 20's, I was somewhat a metalhead.

Yes, I loved me some delightful screaming-into-the-microphone music as much as the next angsty early adult. The 80s music started to creep into my musical selections, this being one of the first. So much so, that one night after drinking obscene amounts of alcohol at a Heavy Metal night at one of the clubs in the city, my friends and I staggered to an all night McDonalds at 3am for a cheeseburger. Taking a seat with our glorious haul, "Borderline" comes over the loudspeaker and much to the absolute horror of my headbanging friends, I -quite loudly- sang the living crap out of this song to the top of my lungs, cheesburger in one hand, invisible microphone in the other. The security guards thought it was hilarious, so my night was obviously brilliant.

It helped kickstart a lifelong love affair with all things that sadden most people who lived through the decade, but are much loved and nostalgia'd (yes, I make up words now) by those of us with only basic memories of parachute pants, hypercolour tshirts and David Bowies triumphant package in The Labrynth.

Onto the video clip!

Well, from the opening, as in the first 7 seconds, Madonna is feeling up a little boy whos trying to dance. PERVERSION. Unadulterated perversion. I just figure that thats what you get for trying to be "hip" and "down" with the youths of the 80s. You werent cool until you were dancing badly with a B-Boy posse.

The story looks like its the old "Poor Boy Likes Girl, Girl Likes Rich Guy, Girl is unceremoniously taken advantage of sexually by Rich Guy, Poor Boy shoots Girl and Rich Guy in a fevered rage" tale. Its Shakespearian for sure. Alas, In flashbacks we learn that Poor Boy wasnt at all attracted to the Girl's bright-lemon coloured high heels and lime socks combo. It was a citrus assault on the retinas.

Its all ok though, because the Girl remembers her roots after failed modelling career and constant promises of "you wanna be famous, dont'cha?" and goes back to the ghetto to get Poor Boy back. The sucker that he is, takes her back and everything is hunky dory. Or is it? After her failed jaunt in "nude modelling" and subsequent sex tape production, she became a stripper with a heart of gold. Too bad that she makes more money than Poor Boy who after kissing her and smoothing things over, went off to marry one of her friends out of financial spite.

I think that I'm just a pretty jaded guy.

-Rick

Whitney. Nothing epitomises the late 80s than Whitney Houston.

If only perms that good were still around, Id have a bigger smile on my face than she does when on a coke fuelled binge with Bobby Brown. Before he beats her.

AND THERES THE JOKES, KIDS! Domestic violence and drug fuelled rage!

Anywhoo, the clips brilliance lies in the fact that its supremely bland black and white shadows its "SUPER-FUN-HAPPY-TIME" colour scheme. Dont get me wrong, I love the awesome lavender coloured dress with hot pink lipstick combo, I just prefer it on my hookers than I do my 80s pop stars. But you know what? I often cant tell the difference and I like it that way.

Not only is this tune so super catchy that it makes you want to claw your brain out of your skull with a rusty spoon, it contains random images of people "dancing" and just being plain ole wacky! You cant get much better than that, can you? .. guys? ... bueller?

Honestly, Jeans with a white singlet tee was your icon of the era. The true winner of the 80s was Levi Strauss & Co. Its a timeless combination that I often wish i could accomplish. Its really a jealousy thing.

For all the singing about wanting to "feel the heat" with somebody, the only guy she even remotely comes into any kind of bodily contact with is a guy in a top hat, looking like he was rejected from the video clip to "Puttin on the Ritz" by Taco (which is coming up in a few weeks, mind you). Then again, right near the end of the clip, she gives him the beatdown! I think it was a reversal fortune of things to come!

"Dont ya wanna dance, say you wanna dance, dont ya wanna dance" kind of strikes me as the rally cry of the psychotic, clingy person that "JUST WANTS TO LOVE YOU!! GAHAAAHAAAAA!~" before boiling your bunny and cutting off the head of your girlfriend. Dancing, Its a gateway drug for the neurotic.

-Rick

Another week, Another FLASHBACK!

This sexy thang comes all the way from Hawaii with love.

Glenn Medeiros - Nothings Gonna Change My Love For You

I love this video clip, for the simple reason that he has an open white shirt, white pants and no shoes on the beach. Hold onto your underwear ladies, FABIO JUNIOR IS HERE.

This is by and far one of the best videos and songs from the 80s as its pure schmaltz. You cant even BREED this kind of hilarity in videos of today. Can you see Britney or Pink doing any of this? Hells No. 

Its an art form to be this kind of cheese and it defies all sense of sensibility and logic, yet, its more sane than any "BABYBABYBABY SUCK MY D WHILE I HIT DAT AZZ WHUT WHUT" song thats out today. Please. This is lyrically brilliant and visually apt. It makes the point that its a true love story.

ITS LOVE, BABY!

Not only does her dress make my eyes bleed, it makes me want to vomit rainbows!

Thats quality.

-Rick

MORE PIE! And by that, i mean that its time for another 80s Music video flashback!

Todays tasty treat for the masses is the englishman:

Johnny Logan - Hold Me Now

Sadly, this sucker doesnt want to be played in embed anymore, so click it and have a watch. Feels good man.

HOLY BAJEBUZ! If this guy isnt a dead ringer for Matt Smith from Doctor Who (season 5 Doctor Who 2010), i just dont know what is going on. Could be the coke i just had, but this power ballad has me in tears of joy at its awesomeness.

Matt Smith

Johnny Logan

Lighting effects courtesy of The Effing Lazy Co that look like they were rejected from a Steve Winwood video clip and totally relying on his odd shaped head. How much more do you need from this 1987 Eurovision Song Contest contestant? It was a slim pickings kind of year, i think.

What really did it for me was his suit. If i could pull off a suit like that, id be driving a late 80s porche and listening to Sussudio EVERY. DAY. OF. MY. LIFE. And i'd be happy doing so.

-Rick

Im starting a new 80s Music video Flashbacks. Why? Because I have no life and I love 80s music so much. So much so, that ill pick on it until the day comes when im no longer able to sustain my hair follicles in my head.

LETS BEGIN!

Starting in my home country, I felt like it was only appropriate to start with this little treat:

Kylie Minogue - I Should Be So Lucky

Wow. Just Wow. The funny thing is, i was not only born in the 80s, i lived a large chunk of my early life in Australia in the 80s. Being that, I know about Kylie Minogues earlier years at Young Talent Time and on Neighbours, a local drama that after 25 years, still manages to annoy the living shit out of me on a daily weekday basis.

Kylie Minogue went on to write a bunch of other hits through the 80s and 90s as well as all the way to today, where shes a multi mega bajillionaire (its a technical term) with her own line of crack cocaine and vicodin products. Im only assuming that.

But these were her humble beginnings as a fresh faced blonde with a wacky sense of humor and a penchant for bluescreens and bad spellings of the word "Love". Not only has she now become a fembot in her 40s, shes the australian equivalent of Madonna, only with talent and a larger gay following.

Enjoy this for what it is. Pre-Sex Appeal Sex Appeal.

-Rick

Im not gonna lie to you, im in a shithouse mood. Luckily, its going due to the fact that three or so days ago i made a super fun happy 1980's RAGE RAGE RA RA RAAAAAAAAGE playlist of songs that made me happy when i was a kid.

So here it is. If you're feeling down or sad, listen to these in order and i guarantee that you're gonna be A-OK at the end of it. They're sappy, silly and just plain happy.

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=C25227B590122504

-Rick

HURRAH!

Todays Rage Playlist Theme is : CRAAAAAZY!

Lets face it, its great :D

-Rick

So, my friends and i have a reasonably new tradition that started a couple of years ago. In Australia, we have a nationally syndicated television 'show' thats been on for decades, sometime in the early to mid 80s it started, called RAGE.

Rage was essentially the free to air version of MTV, playing music video clips. On Saturdays, they'd have a guest DJ, usually a musician or rock band that would get a bunch of their favorite clips and put them up for people to watch, one after the other, for the greater part of 8 hours over the night.

Every so often, they would pick a theme (eg. best of hair metal, 80's night, 90s grunge, etc) and play only clips relating to that theme, plus one or two songs that really didnt belong or were loosely associated with it. They were called the 'F*ck you song'.

So back to the tradition. Thanks to youtube, my friends and i would create our own version of the rage playlist and put them up for all to see. The rules were simple: Pick a theme, 10-15 songs in the list and one or two F*ck you songs. You would also have to watch the clips in order, one after the other in the tradition of the real Rage.

Which brings me to now. This is my latest playlist, in honor of my Unemployment, i created : EMPLOYMENT SUCKS.

http://bit.ly/9ultKA

I had to shorten the link down.

The embedable is here:

SO! Make your own and post them to the facebook page thats created here :

http://www.facebook.com/#!/group.php?gid=86457167795&ref=ts

Thanks and have fun, kids!

-Rick